Written by Sean Michaelson · Original Writing: November 18, 1999 · Song Version: April 2, 2026 · Female Vocal Version

Content Note

The writing that follows comes from a very dark moment in my life and contains intense themes of self-hatred, despair, and suicidal thoughts.

If you are reading this from a place that feels anything like the one I was in when I wrote it, I want you to know something before you continue.

I am here.

I may only be a voice on a page, and we may never know each other, but I mean that. I care that you are here. I care that you stay.

I know how real the darkness can feel when you are inside it. I know what it is like to want something, anything, to break through the silence and reach you.

More than twenty-six years ago, I was searching for that voice.

Today, I want to be one.

So if you need a voice right now, let this be mine.

Stay with me.

Stay.

Original Writing

Alone, sitting in the dark, I stare out the windshield at the stars that slip away as the clouds pass by like nothing is wrong, like the world just keeps going and I’m not even in it anymore, just something watching from the outside, something that doesn’t belong anywhere.

What would I give for a voice in this world, something to break through this silence, something to reach me, something to stop this, because this isn’t even blackness, it’s worse than that, something deeper than black, something with weight and pressure and no edges, no end, something that keeps folding in on itself and pulling me with it.

Where is the voice.

I hate everything I am. Every part of me feels wrong, twisted, disgusting, something that should have been stopped before it ever had the chance to become this. Why am I so pathetic? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I be someone else? I wish I had succeeded with the knife long ago, before I became this thing I cannot stand to exist as.

I am nothing. I am worthless. I hear everything they call me and I know they’re right. Every time somebody laughs at me, every time somebody punches me or knocks me down and I can’t get away, I know it. There is something wrong with me. There has to be. Why else does everybody see it?

God, why can’t I be something, anything? I want people to want me. Why don’t they? What is so wrong with me that I can’t even be someone people want?

And the games. God, the games. I’m six, seven, eight, nine, they’re touching me all over, touching my private parts, putting their mouths on me, me doing things too. I know what people call it, but those words don’t belong to me. They’re just the games. Sometimes I want to play, sometimes I don’t, and sometimes I don’t but I still want it. I like how it feels. God, what is wrong with me? Afterward I hate myself, wish it never happened, and then somehow it goes away. Why does it go away? Why do I want it again? Why can’t I just hate it? Why can’t I be normal?

No one cares. No one gives a damn even when they know. They know and nothing changes. Maybe there isn’t anything here worth caring about. Maybe they know that too.

I look at my life and all I can see is failure, disappointment, mistake after mistake piled on top of mistake. There is something wrong with me and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to become someone else. I don’t know how to escape myself.

God I hate myself. I hate myself in a way that feels earned, deserved, something I should carry, something I should never be free from. Maybe I have always deserved it.

Does anyone care? Would anyone care if I just disappeared? If I stopped existing right now, would anything actually change, or would the world just keep moving like it is now, like nothing is wrong, like I was never here at all?

Where are You, God? Where is the voice? Why is there nothing? Why is it silent? Why is there nothing to interrupt this, nothing to stop this, nothing to say anything at all?

This is blacker than black. There is no light here, no voice, nothing breaking through, just this pressure and me still here inside of it. I look in the rearview mirror and I hate the person looking back at me. I don’t want to be him. God, I don’t want to be him. Why can’t I be someone else?

What do I even live for? What is the point if this is all there is? If this is what I am? I don’t want tomorrow if tomorrow means waking up and still being me.

Where is the voice? Just say something. Anything. Stop me. Interrupt this. I am right here and nobody knows. Please, somebody say something. I just need something besides me inside this darkness.

Where is the voice.

Who am I.

Just nothing.

The following lyrics were inspired by the original writing above.

Song Lyrics · Female Vocal Version

Verse 1

Don’t take another step
Just stay right there
I can feel you standing on the edge
Like no one’s anywhere

I can feel how heavy it is in you
I can feel it in your chest
That moment where it all goes quiet
And giving up feels like rest

Pre-Chorus

So just stay with me
Just for a second
Stay with me

Chorus

Stay
Don’t you disappear like this
I know I’m just a voice to you
But I mean this

I can feel you slipping right now
I can feel you letting go
And I’m reaching through whatever this is
Begging you don’t go

I don’t know your name
But I swear I care right here

Stay
I am here

Verse 2

You are not empty, you can feel this pain
That means there’s something real in you
Only something alive can hurt this much
Only something deep can feel this truth

You have loved, I know you have
Even if it didn’t stay
Only someone who can love that hard
Could break this way

You are still breathing right now
Your heart is still holding time
That means something in you chose to stay
Through every moment you survived

Pre-Chorus

You are not nothing
You cannot be nothing

Chorus

Stay
Don’t you disappear like this
You are more than what this moment says
You are more than this

You are someone who can feel and love
Someone who has endured
Someone still standing in the dark
Even when unsure

And I’m not leaving you right now
Even if no one is near

Stay
I am here

Bridge

If you have nothing left to hold
Then take my hand

Right here
In this voice
In every word you’re hearing

You don’t have to prove your worth
You don’t have to earn your place
You were already something real
Before this pain

You exist
That is not small
That is not nothing

You are someone who can love
Someone who can feel
Someone who is still here
And that is real

(BIG MOMENT)

And if you cannot see it
If your strength has disappeared

Then lean on me

UNTIL YOU BELIEVEYOU MATTERYOU MATTERYOU MATTER

Final Chorus

STAY
Don’t you disappear like this
You are not nothing in this world
You exist

You are someone who can love
Someone who can feel
Someone who has made it here
And that alone is real

You are not replaceable
There is only one of you
And even if you cannot see it
That is still the truth

And if your voice is gone tonight
Then let mine be what you hear

STAYI AM HERE

Outro

Stay
You matter

Stay
I’m still here

Stay

Listen to the Song

Note: The music and vocal performance for this song were generated using AI tools. The original writing and lyrics were written by me (Sean Michaelson). My hope is to someday collaborate with musicians and vocalists to bring these songs to life in a deeper and more personal way.

If you’re here, still reading this…

I’m still here with you.

You’re not alone in this moment, even if it feels like you are.

If things feel too heavy right now, please reach out to someone in your life, a friend, a family member, anyone you trust.

If you need immediate support, you can contact:

In the U.S. & Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) In the U.K. & Ireland: Samaritans 116 123 Elsewhere: Find A Helpline

There are real people who will listen, right now.

More help is available. If you need support beyond the contacts listed here, visit our Find Help & Support page for additional organizations, crisis services, counseling resources, and practical assistance. You have options, and you deserve support.

Stay.